Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Jumpoff Etiquette

Stupid Bitches. SMH. Yes, I just said stupid bitches. When I say stupid bitches I am not referring to EVERY female. Stupid bitches are those dumbass girls that get all worked up over some man who pays them no mind unless he's dumb drunk or just plain horny. If he accidentely slips and does even ONE act of kindness, all of a sudden, the stupid bitch thinks he's in love with her.

Now, technically, its not just the girls fault. Guys are also to blame for this. Since I am friends with a lot of guys, I can give you a perfect example.

I have this friend. Real good looking kid, and actually a really good person too. Very eligible bachelor except for when hes drunk. Thats when his hormones kind of takeover. Definitely not what you would call an asshole though. But for some reason, every female be calling him a asshole. I didnt know why until I finally witnessed him in drunk mode one night. First time I had seen him in action. I was forced to witness this since my friends were driving me home, and I forgot to call shotgun. So yea, in the front were my two friends and in the back was me, my "asshole" friend and some chic he met at the club who we were giving a ride home to. I didnt want to cockblock so I had already warned him to not get too crazy since I am right there and if they start fallin all over me, I will not be happy. So as I watched them stick their tongues down eachothers throats and her give him a handjob under the jacket he had on his lap,I realized that was all they been doing for about the last hour. What shocked me was that right after this intense makeout session my "asshole" friend proceeded to put his arm around her, hold her other hand n then kiss this,clearly a jumpoff type, female on her forehead. Not once, but about 5 or 6 times.

Thats when it clicked. I always wondered why every female I know refers to this poor kid as an asshole. He just doesn't know how to treat a jumpoff. How you gonna meet this random bitch in a club, not even know her name, make out with her and then kiss the bitch on her forehead like thats wifey when you know damn well you are not callin her unless you get drunk n want some?
Lesson to be learned here:
Men, dont treat jumpoffs any more than what it is. No kisses on the forehead or any other lovey dovey shit. Thats how you get them stalking psychotic bitches after you. Jumpoffs start gettin outta line cause they just waiting for a man to come rescue them and cross em over from jumpoff status to wifey status.


  1. Jumpoffs get it twisted cause they dont know how to play their roll or their roll is not clearly defined by the dude. Jump offs dont get promoted to wifey status. never!!! great blog ;-)

  2. But then again, my thing is, if you get drunk in the club and you’re giving a random dude a hand job and making out with him, the chances of ever being promoted to wifey are pretty much none no matter how much drunk “love” he gives you. That should be common since. Besides, why be that dude’s wifey? Chances are the next week, he’s gonna be in the same club doing the same thing with someone else….”whomp, whomp, whomp…”