What is Love?

Most people would say, "It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." But looking at my past, I really don't think that is the case. People who are hurt and damaged who don't love themselves can not truly love others. They can feel infatuation, lust, obsession, what passes for love, but what they think is love isn't really love.

And that's the truth about me and my ex.

But looking back at what we once shared, from the outside looking in, most people would say what we had was "Love". While we were together, he swore he loved me, and I swore I loved him. And we both meant it – fervently.

But the evidence wasn't in favor of either one of us.

Love doesn't disappoint, take for granted, verbally abuse and deliberately dupe another person. Because that's irritating, disrespectful and ultimately devastating.

Nor does love cling so tightly to a fantasy and a dream of the future that it completely dismisses another person's reality. Because that's unrealistic, disrespectful and ultimately life-strangling.

In lying and breaking promises to eachother continuously, we proved we did not love eachother.

We both experienced love as a noun: an indescribably good feeling, the object of the verb making.

We didn't experience love as a verb, with all the selflessness that it entails. He didn't love me enough to show up, to support my dreams and aspirations, to want what was truly in my best interests. I didn't love him enough to be spacious, to let him be him, to hear what was always being said under the surface.

We both did the best we could, based on who we were at the time, and we both called it love.

Then when sugar-sweet love turned to vinegar, we both fled.

I still don't know what true love is, but I definitely know a whole lot more about what it's not. And that's a good lesson and a good start.

The Perfect Relationship.

I'm going to make God the main man in my life

When me and God's relationship is right, everything else just kinda falls into place. If work feels like it's demanding too much, I kick it with God and he reminds me of my purpose. If life's obstacles seem too much for me to handle, God wraps his arms around me and reminds me of what we've accomplished together in the past. If loneliness is tempting me to lay my heart down in a place it can't help but get stepped on, God reminds me that heartache is what tends to set in when a woman calls a man to do the job that was only intended for him.

Fulfilling a hunger for a love unconditional, one that never abandons or dissapoints, one that replaces imperfect love of a flawed parent or never fails to come through in our time of need is a very heavy task. And a damn near impossible assignment made of mere flesh and blood. That kind of loving is best provided by a divine and perfect spirit. By giving God his proper place, I free myself from fear-because I know someone out there has got my back. Regardless.

Jumpoff Etiquette

Stupid Bitches. SMH. Yes, I just said stupid bitches. When I say stupid bitches I am not referring to EVERY female. Stupid bitches are those dumbass girls that get all worked up over some man who pays them no mind unless he's dumb drunk or just plain horny. If he accidentely slips and does even ONE act of kindness, all of a sudden, the stupid bitch thinks he's in love with her.

Now, technically, its not just the girls fault. Guys are also to blame for this. Since I am friends with a lot of guys, I can give you a perfect example.

I have this friend. Real good looking kid, and actually a really good person too. Very eligible bachelor except for when hes drunk. Thats when his hormones kind of takeover. Definitely not what you would call an asshole though. But for some reason, every female be calling him a asshole. I didnt know why until I finally witnessed him in drunk mode one night. First time I had seen him in action. I was forced to witness this since my friends were driving me home, and I forgot to call shotgun. So yea, in the front were my two friends and in the back was me, my "asshole" friend and some chic he met at the club who we were giving a ride home to. I didnt want to cockblock so I had already warned him to not get too crazy since I am right there and if they start fallin all over me, I will not be happy. So as I watched them stick their tongues down eachothers throats and her give him a handjob under the jacket he had on his lap,I realized that was all they been doing for about the last hour. What shocked me was that right after this intense makeout session my "asshole" friend proceeded to put his arm around her, hold her other hand n then kiss this,clearly a jumpoff type, female on her forehead. Not once, but about 5 or 6 times.

Thats when it clicked. I always wondered why every female I know refers to this poor kid as an asshole. He just doesn't know how to treat a jumpoff. How you gonna meet this random bitch in a club, not even know her name, make out with her and then kiss the bitch on her forehead like thats wifey when you know damn well you are not callin her unless you get drunk n want some?
Lesson to be learned here:
Men, dont treat jumpoffs any more than what it is. No kisses on the forehead or any other lovey dovey shit. Thats how you get them stalking psychotic bitches after you. Jumpoffs start gettin outta line cause they just waiting for a man to come rescue them and cross em over from jumpoff status to wifey status.

My Body Never Knew Such Pleasure, My Heart Never Knew Such Pain!

As I was driving and listening, to “All Cried Out” by Allure earlier today, it got me thinking. Why is that always the case with us women? Why can’t our body’s know such pleasure, without it having a negative effect on our heart. Shit, if men can think with their penises, why the hell can’t we think with our vaginas? Why is it so easy for us to make love but so hard for us just to fuck? What I’m referring to is the kind of fuck that doesn’t involve love. Just a raw no strings attached lustfully driven fuck. Keyword: lust, not love. Making love is great too but, they both have their role, sometimes you want to be all mushy gushy with all the trying to please your partner stuff, and other times you just want to dig in your claws, let your inner freak take control, and fuck like there’s no tomorrow. Men see sex as more of a recreational activity, kind of like basketball, while most women see it as this sort of close, personal bonding experience.

Wouldn’t we just perform so much better in the rest of our lives if we had a shameless fuck here and there to relieve our pent up sexual tension?

So, whats the problem?

Is it the fear of getting pregnant or contracting an STD?

Or, is it the double standard in our society, the fact that a man can go sleep with a whole brothel and he gets applauded and referred to as “THAT DUDE” but a woman sleeps with two men without a commitment and she’s labeled as a smut/whore/bird?

Do we really just care too much about what other people think?