Thursday, February 26, 2009

Unknown Musicians Over 30.

So this is actually something I posted on my old blog, but after seeing the same fuckery once again last night, I felt like I needed to repost this.

So I went to a showcase last night. A friend made me accompany her. And what stood out to me was this old ass dude thinking he can sing. Here is what I wanted to tell him:

Stop wasting your time, stop wasting your significant other's time, stop wasting your money on stupid gear, and stop thinking that you can compete with hot 18-24 year olds that are better than you. Your music doesn't have "character" - it's just outdated. outdated themes, chord progression, and guitar tones.

Nobody wants to see or hear you sing. The lighting makes you look older. The whole "thugged out" look isnt working for you. Especially since you are an R&B singer(or think you are). We all know why your myspace photos are over-exposed.

If you're over 30 and unknown, it is never going to happen. You are never going to make it. There's a reason american idol has an age cutoff. We want talent that's young, not talent that's old. Yeah yeah I know, america's got talent has no limit but it's a fuckin freak show.

Everyone knows you're balding. you can't hide it with the shaggy comb-forward look. The fitted does not make you look younger. The rogaine isn't working. You look like an idiot in those baggy jeans. Big ass rope chains are for kids. You don't look like a rockstar in those $5 sunglasses.

Sell your gear, quit your job at sam-ash, and beg a company to take you into an entry level position... wake up, we are in a recession. You are too old to have kid-dreams. The ship has sailed boo and you're not on it.

Have I made myself clear?

Monday, February 23, 2009

Break Up Sex-Save The Best For Last?

It happens all the time. You get into an argument with your significant other, and right before you sever ties, liberating yourself from it all, you decide to get in that one last fuck. And in return you end up getting the greatest breakup consolation prize: THE BEST SEX EVER. Not the ordinary relationship sex, I'm talking "grabbing the sheets, sweaty and gasping for air when your done" sex. Save the best for last huh? Maybe. But with the best sex ever also comes the pain of loss and completely unavoidable self flagellation. For some people, it does more harm than good.

You should not attempt to have breakup sex if it's evident the other person is still madly in love with you. This means they definitely want to fuck if that’s all they can get. Trust me, after the breakup sex, they will be even more clingy and psychotic than they were before. You should also refrain from having sex if you're leaving your significant other to be with someone else that you've already started to fuck around with. That's just fucking greedy. And definitely no goodbye sex if you are breaking up with the person because they haven't successfully given you an orgasm in months. Breakup sex is not an orgasm revisited. Only have sex if you're breaking up in person, and the hormones and emotions are intense but not to the psychotic/possible future stalker point. Break-up sex is angry, and that's what makes it so hot. Get as much of that pent up anger out - the lies, the betrayal, the embarrassment, and can't forget about the sickened stomach churning feeling you get when you look at his filthy cheating ass face now - all of those things can be used channeled constructively into having some sweaty ROUGH sex. No kissing allowed. Especially if you never tried it while you were together, it will add a nice little kinky touch to the departure. It makes angry sex twice as angry and more detached, and that's exactly what it needs to be.

You really don’t need to stay and cuddle. There is also no need to sit there and contemplate about whether you should kiss him goodbye or when the best time for you to leave is. After you get your last orgasm, get your ass up, put on your damn clothes and bounce.

And please, whatever you do, please don’t act like a dumb bitch in the heat of passion and knee-clenching orgasms, that you forget about how he played your ass. Or that even though prior to the breakup sex, he clearly stated that they did not want to be with you, you think that the relationship is back on.
Letting go of someone who was once a constant in your life is never easy, but the break up sex is simply a parting gift, nothing more.