Monday, March 15, 2010

The Greatest Boyfriend I NEVER had.

Long, long before I became a bitch – in fact, when I was still a high-school virgin – a really, really nice boy was completely in love with me ... and I was absolutely, positively oblivious to the fact that he was.

"Chi" and I met at through mutual friends the summer before our sophomore year of high school. He was my friends cousin and he was out here from Chicago for summer break. Even though he was a Cubs fan and I was(and still am) a die hard Yankees fan, we immediately bonded over Baseball.

Here are all the signs the boy loved everything about me:
  • He painted my toenails for me.
  • He talked to me for hours.
  • He bought me the 12" vinyl version of 'Like Water For Chocolate'- Common.
  • He even flew out here from Chicago to see me almost every other month.
Here are all the reasons it never even occurred to me that Chi was interested in me:
Except for a different boy my freshman year, who I used to smooch with here and there, I had never had a boyfriend or been on a real date.

Even though I was actually pretty cute and sort of knew it when I looked at pictures of myself but I was a tomboy.At the time I wanted to be a boy(only because I wanted to play sports with the boys) I dressed like one had short hair like one.

I was jumpy around men. Probably due to one of my father's methods of discipline: Smacking. Out of nowhere, Smack! He'd zing me with a backhand slap to the forehead.

Chi never came right out and said, "I really, really like you. Do you wanna go with me?" Years later, we reconnected by phone and he confirmed, "I was so completely in love with you. Why do you think I painted your toenails?"

But the truth is, I never knew Chi cared about me, because it never even occurred to me that anyone could be attracted to me. I thought of him as a "friend," not because I wasn't attracted to him, but because it didn't occur to me that I should be attracted to him.

I had a blind spot when it came to nice, sweet, wholesome, smart, wonderful and not-at-all bad-looking boys who happened to be crazy about me. And unfortunately, that blind spot followed me well into my adult life.


  1. Interesting. I like posts like this. Welcome back.

  2. damn shame, all bad guys weren't always bad they used to be good guys, untill they get hip to the fact that nice guys finish last (AND THEY REALLY DO) and then they turn into the guys most girls like smh

  3. I came across this searching for images for a project, and I had to stop and comment! I love it because I can sooo relate! My issues had a couple extra thin layers to it (from the mom side), but I can relate nonetheless.

    I just started reading this book, "Women and Their Fathers: The Sexual and Romantic Impact of the First Man in Your Life" by Victoria Secunda. JUST started: still in the introduction and she is ALREADY kicking my A$$ with her complete and thorough conclusions based on her research and observations. Again, ALREADY, she's confirmed even more insight on what's behind not only the situation you experienced with Chi, but how it follows us and can be hard to escape based on what our life with our "first man" has told us about the rest of life.

    Thanks for sharing -- much love! :)